Bringing her daughter who stayed home for many years back to her side, I discovered that the road to family repair has been so long…
The years left to change her daughter
Soon after the wedding, my husband and I went to Beijing to make a living.
In the winter of 2000, we had a lovely daughter. In 2005, the second daughter was also born. At that time, we were doing a small business for the family and we had no time to look after the two children. We had to ask my mother-in-law to bring her eldest daughter back to her hometown.
In this way, the four-and-a-half-year old daughter began her left-behind career. During that time, I washed my face in tears all the time. Every time I had a nightmare, I couldn't help but think of my daughter. Then I dared to call my mother-in-law. My mother-in-law always tells me that my daughter is very good. I also asked me to make as few calls as possible because that would only make her miss us even more, but it would be difficult to integrate into her new environment.
Later I learned that what my mother-in-law called “very good” is actually a comforting word for me. My daughter just kept crying when she returned to her hometown. Facing unfamiliar circumstances, strangers, and unfamiliar languages, the suffering of a child who is only four years old is probably something we adults cannot imagine and understand. What's even worse is because the soil is not acceptable, and her daughter is covered with large blisters of soybeans all year round. It is unbearable. Every time I went home to pick up my daughter, I looked at her blisters and scars, and I was distressed to straighten my tears. It's strange to say that those blisters that have been treated badly in their hometowns will be clean and clean in Beijing once a week. In order to make her daughter suffer as little as possible, the husband went to the field and returned home with a lot of land in accordance with the words of the landlord's uncle. Listening to her mother-in-law said that if her daughter drank the water from those bandits, she would be fine. Once stopped, the blisters would start again.
The most worrying thing is that the original and lively daughter becomes less and less talkative. She took her over in the winter and summer vacations, but she could never see her laughter. Her face always showed depression that was inconsistent with her age. She looked pity and pain.
Once, I asked my daughter if there was any kid bullying her in school. Her daughter said yes. I asked her if she told the teacher, she said no. I asked her if she told Grandma that her daughter still said no. I distressedly asked her, "Why are people being bullied and told not to tell adults?" The daughter's face touched with a trace of unobservable grievances and loss, and then muffled and said: "I just want to tell my mother." A short sentence but Let me burst into tears. My foolish daughter, when my mother was thousands of miles away, she just wanted to protect you from her!
In 2007, we lived in a demolition area where our husband's friend in Xinxiang, Henan wanted us to help him see the shop. We settled in Xinxiang, 100 kilometers away from my hometown. Her husband worked in a friend's shop and I opened a newsletter. Equipment shop. At that time, I was pregnant with my son. The second daughter was still less than two years old and she was too tired to follow her. She had never been able to receive her eldest daughter.
It really made me sad to get my daughter back. It was the birthday of my birthday in 2009. The uncle made a big table of food. The family was very happy. But the middle-aged daughter started to cry and asked nothing. We were so anxious that we could do nothing. The last daughter only said it was because we had to go back to Xinxiang the next day. She did not want us to go. She also said that one classmate bullied her and she did not want to go to school…
When the drunk husband listened to her daughter's crying, she had to take her to find the classmate's parents to fight. The first time I saw my husband crying so sad, I know that it was his deep love and guilt for his daughter! The uncle also said to me: "Come on, you will have to keep your children around. You don't know, on several occasions I have seen her alone in a daze, asking for nothing to say. The children are now all What did it look like, when it first came, how wonderful it was! If you go on like this, your child may have autism, and if there is no love for his parents, he said! I deeply understand what is piercing! Then he made a deep determination that no matter how difficult it was, he must also receive his daughter as soon as possible.
Reunion did not make her daughter happy
In the summer of that year, despite the opposition of my parents-in-law, I insisted on bringing my daughter who stayed in my hometown for more than four years. The reunion I dreamed of was finally realized. I thought this would make up for my daughter's debts. What happened afterwards made me discover how naive my thoughts were.
Lost and recovered motherhood did not make her daughter feel happy. On the contrary, her daughter’s personality became rebellious. She could not possibly hear me praise her sister. When I praised the young girl's well-behaved or cleverness, she would be extraordinarily resistant. She always gave me a cold sentence: "Then you put her back home for four and a half years and see her. It will not be like this!" The daughter always thinks, my heart only has the sister and the younger brother, no matter how hard I try, it seems that neither will heat her heart.
I remember one Sunday, I asked her to write homework with her younger brother and sister upstairs. For a moment the second daughter ran down crying and said that her sister had caught her. Looking at the traces of blood in the little daughter's hand, I did not make a fight and took the eldest daughter and beat her up. I did not think of how to play any of her, she was stubbornly silent, which even stirred up my anger. I asked her why she had beaten her sister. She said that her sister had first stained her homework book. I listened even more angry: “Because of such a trivial matter, why would you just start it? What kind of sister looks like!” My daughter cried and said loudly: “I hate you. Why are you always facing her? It's her fault. You're still hitting me. I hate my sister and don’t be her sister. If it wasn’t for her, I’m not Will be sent back to my hometown, will not be so guilty!"
It turned out that in her daughter's heart, my sister became the chief culprit in causing her to stay. Later I discovered that as long as my younger brother and sister messed up her for a trivial matter, she would beat them up. No matter how I say it would not help. Whenever I saw my affection for my little daughter and son, she always said nothing, or she turned and left. So I realized that in her daughter’s heart, the grudges she had left behind were really too deep, and I’m afraid it would not be able to dilute in a short time.
One day, her daughter's grievances erupted like a volcano. I clearly remember that it was a night without moonlight, but also because of a small thing, she beat her sister. I quarreled with her and she actually shouted to me loudly. I was angry at getting her out. I did not expect that she really opened the door and stormed into the night. At first, I thought my timid daughter was hiding near her home. When she was afraid of nature, she would return. It was not until half an hour later and she hadn’t seen her. I was panic-stricken, separated her head from her husband, and finally found herself in a public toilet. Found a weeping daughter.
Looking at the tears, she curled up and I was so angry and sore that she pulled her home with me. But my daughter stubbornly throws away my hand, and I'm not willing to go back. Anxiously, I stretched my hand and slapped her on the face. I wondered if her daughter went crazy and said: "You beat it. Anyway, from the day when your sister was born, I wouldn't have motherly love. Did you know what I did in my hometown? No one loves people, and when you miss you, you can only cry secretly. When others bully me, I dare not speak because it is my fault in everyone's eyes! It's hard to come back to you, but you love it. Me? Do you sleep in me? Only once or because I am sick! And, my sister stays for a week and does not come back, you will chant all day long. I have been in my hometown for four and a half years. How can you not think of me? Have had enough! Do you know what I think is the happiest thing? It is death! Because I want to see what the soul is like…"
One of the words allowed me to stay where I was. Is this what a 9-year-old child said? What kind of mental torture is it that a child as young as 9 years old starts to die? At that time, I only sadly realized that it was a wrong decision to let her daughter return to her hometown. What kind of stimuli and damage to her was the protection of my little daughter!
Long repair road
From then on, I always take care of my daughter's emotions and try not to praise her little daughter in front of her. Whenever she has a small improvement, I will heartily praise. In order to get her a better education, we spent a high price for her into an experimental primary school.
I care about her as much as possible in life and learning. I remember one time when my daughter went home from school and was unhappy, I thought she was definitely unhappy at school and asked her what had happened. The daughter did not speak and the tears flowed down. From the intermittent narrative of her daughter, I knew the reason for the incident: It was because of her blisters that the waters and dirt of her daughter were not satisfied. This was a normal thing, but her daughter's new table said that her daughter had acquired an infectious disease. Speaking loudly in class, students and their daughters were not allowed to play. As a result, students in a class saw her hide.
I was so angry that I took my daughter directly to find her head teacher and explained the reason to the teacher. The teacher immediately asked the student to apologize to her daughter and explain the truth in the class. The next day I saw my daughter’s smile coming back from her face. I asked if we were not hiding her again. The daughter said happily, and the students all talked and laughed with her. I took the opportunity to tell her that no matter what happened at school, I had to tell teachers and parents the first time. Only in this way can we solve the problem as soon as possible and we can better protect ourselves. The daughter listened and nodded seriously. Since then, no matter what unpleasant things happened at school, my daughter will come back to me and I will analyze her seriously and let her try her best to solve it.
Now that her daughter is 11 years old, she is watching her change a little bit. I am happy to be at heart. I know that there is still a long way to go to repair the path of affection with my daughter. And I will use love and care to make this road shorter and warmer.
Original address: http://www.mf-china.com.cn/a/jiayuan/fumuxuetang/20120528/3379.html
Source: Marriage and Family Magazine
Author: FENG Zhi Pu